Its Over!

finally I could just continue on with my life :D

Vino and Vecky picked me up around 8.40am. all the Vs in the car HAHHAHA went for breakfast with sam, maxim, dana, kesh, vino and I. vecky followed shalvin and thina somewhere else lol

went there met up with shawn, sat in the canteen, waiting for the crowd to enter.

started panicking like hell when its almost 10am!! but end up, my results were better than what i've expected ahahahahahha didnt get all As la but i was really thankful that i didnt have a D there :D even my addmaths and chemistry got C! i thought i'll get Ds for that :X

i know i screwed up all my science subjects, thats why i didnt dare to put high expectations for it. but thank God everything went well and came out better than what i've expected :D

and congratulations to everyone that got good results! i've been spamming their walls like mad and congratulating them over and over again :D but i was really really really happy for them, even when mine is like shit :X

a big thank you to vino, jeski, vecky, for borrowing your hands and letting me hold them for a while :X maxim, i know i've been messing with your pink blouse before taking the results hahahah i couldnt control my hands that time weyh! and also sam, faiq, vinod, kesh! :) thanks a lot guys, for chilling me out! YOU GUYS WERE AWESOMEEE!

Don't Love

"Dont love. Goodbye will always come."

"It hurts so much that you cant even breath."

"I thought that it'd only hurt as much as I love you, that it'd be ok that I could forget it."

"But no, it hurts thousand times more."

"I'm afraid. Leaving my eyes opened."

"Because even if I'm searching, I wont be able to see you."

"Instead of yearning for you, living with my eyes closed is probably better."

"Dont love. It hurts so much that you feel like dying."

"Tears fall each and everyday."

It Ended.

i know its not a good choice to post out your personal life on social websites. but i just really need to blast out first before flying outta space. you get what i meant?

i dont care who the hell sees this post. i just need to let it all out.

its just heartbreaking. it felt as if someone just stabbed you right at your chest. immediately cried after knowing that i was being used and played like a doll.

i've been pathetic since 3/4 days ago. cried like hell on the first night for 4 hours, no one to talk to that time, just lied on the bed and cry the whole night. negative thoughts started visiting me. almost searched for a scissors and get high on panadols. almost. slept for 2 hours only. woke up the next morning thinking "what am i supposed to do without him in my life?". pathetic i know. but thats what happened. the second closest person that i was attached to. even it was barely 6 months we were together. it felt as if he was The One. never felt that in any of my past relationships. i sincerely felt that.

the second day, i couldnt take it anymore. i scared i'll really do stupid stuffs when i'm all alone in the room. so i stayed overnight at vino's place. i was lying on the floor. covered my head with a pillow, wanting to sleep but ended up crying again. i sat up and continue with what i was doing. and i couldnt breath at one moment. i swear i thought i got asthma/heart attack. really couldnt breath. then i started holding my breath. to calm myself down. then everything went normal again. lasted for 1 and a half hours. i was staring at the clock when vino forced me to sleep. she was right beside me. calming me down. crying together with me at the same time.

i ended all that on the third day. i thought about what i wanna say before. i was so disappointed until i have the urge to slap him. but when i saw him. i blacked out. completely forgotten what i wanted to say. and started panicking. the only thing that i remember was my head spinning and my hands were out of control. i was trying very hard to take control of my own mind and prevent any tears from falling. i managed to do so. i think. i wanted to just show how i felt. how it really hurt me. how frustrated i was at that moment. i'm tired of telling people that i'm okay but actually i'm not! I'M NOT OKAY AT ALL!

i'm tired of people who i dont even know. texting me. asking me out. spamming my chat box. asking me to get on skype. trying to hit on me when i dont even feel like getting into another relationship. I AM NOT READY. i am still attached to someone even though i couldnt have it as my own!

i'm tired of holding back my tears. i'm tired of acting, empty promises, lies!

but that moment, i sucked it all up. i just did. the truth is, i really wanted to hug him. even though nothing's gonna change..

i left.

letting go the person that you obviously still have feelings for. its painful. the fact that you have to leave every single thing away. memories that you've made together. pictures. messages. stuffed toys. every thing. EVERY THING.

and here i am. crying again.

Just A White Lie

"White lies are minor lies which could be considered to be harmless, or even beneficial, in the long term. White lies are also considered to be used for greater good. A common version of a white lie is to tell only part of the truth, therefore not be suspected of lying, yet also conceal something else, in order to avoid awkward questions."

its 3.10am now and I'm in pyjamas. just finished watching Running Man with my sis. half awake now, probably gonna crap much here. blame it on the time lol

Saturday was awesome :)

met some cool random friends all along the way :) there's a girl with Eva when we were going to Times Square. she's like the perfect younger sister/friend. just awesome. hope can hangout more with her but she'll be busy with SPM. next year perhaps :)

"Thank you for taking care of me today."

when will I start taking care of myself? sometimes I feel like I put myself in front too much and I should probably put myself at the back of people lol.

watched a horror movie that Saturday night. the first time I actually watched a horror movie with my eyes wide opened. I practically squeezed Vino's hand like hell throughout the whole movie. never realized that at all :X

the moment someone leans their head on your shoulder, scattered pieces of memories will instantly be played on your mind. its kinda hurtful to be honest. its hard for me to just spit the words out. I could type it out but my fingers aren't typing faster than the speed of what I'm thinking.

I'm perfectly fine in the morning right to the evening. but once the Sun is nowhere to be seen and there's no activities to be done at night besides facing the wall and the laptop screen, which makes more time for me to THINK about the past and present, I'll be completely lost in my own world with faded colors. questions popping out from nowhere and always seemed to be urgent for me to answer.

5 more months.

I probably looked like a clown now with red nose.

I've crapped enough. time to forget about it for a few hours.

I CAN MAKE IT THROUGH TONIGHT PERFECTLY FINE.

"On days like this when I’m locked in old memories,

On nights when I miss you for no reason"

BIGBANG - Love Dust

Heaven

I've been like replaying this song over and over again. NICE! :)

so how's life? bored at home, I'm finally done with my driving thing (failed twice, thats enough to be made history) lol

but this weekend is pretty packed though. NO. I'll be busy starting from today. after waking up need to move my ass to Aeon, get the exact same cap that I bought for myself and give it to Ejul on Saturday.

I have to pickup my BIGBANG - Alive album at Times Square this Saturday. then later around 4pm, I need to go Noveen's house for a birthday party. movies after that. ohmaigod. pray hard that I wont sleep in the cinema :O

meet my Husband's' :)

birthday party? ahhhh when was the last time I attended a birthday party? omg. I cant even remember when... HAHHAHAHAHA

WESTERN FOOD (POTLUCK)

1) NOVEEN - PASTA (WHITE SAUCE)

2) VINOSHA - ROASTED CHICKEN

3) CHRISTINE - MASHED POTATOES

4) SHARMA - SALAD

5) LAKSHANA - DRINKS

6) VIVIEN - JELLY

menu for this Saturday evening ~ looking forward to this Saturday although it'll be hell of a hectic day.

next Tuesday/Wednesday need to meet up with classmates, time to catch up on everything :)

SPM results will be out in 2 weeks time!! KILL MEEEEE!! literally.

its 4.30am now and I'm supposed to be on the bed dreaming or drooling over something HAHAHAHAH

GOODNIGHT :D